either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
