operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
