According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
