Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
