And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize