Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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