Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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