Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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