Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
