did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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