I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
