it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
