just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
