Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
