Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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