He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
