y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
