I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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