You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
