fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
