this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
