her vagine was all disorganized.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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