Pants 0. Shit 1.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
