the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Girls should come with a carfax report
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
