His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He felt like a one man threesome
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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