This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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