she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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