Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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