she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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