Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't deserve a penis
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
