I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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