Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
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