we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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