if i can run in heels then i can drive
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
