well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize