Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I want her autograph on my taint
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
