lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Randomize
