Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
