Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
