I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize