I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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