I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
