I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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