i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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