I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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