Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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