he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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