Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
It's just like the Real World with babies
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize