thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
