Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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