So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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