i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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