I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
