Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Randomize
