There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize