i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
look no pants
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
