Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
