Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
