I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize