before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
