Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
