was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
