I got chris browned last night
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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