People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
