Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
