the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Alive.
So much puke
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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