Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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