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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
