Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
