The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
