my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
