dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
