Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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