On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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