"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
