Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
